MOSAIC MOMENTS

Yesterday marked a very sad day for our family at IMDSA.  Last week we heard of a family who had received the news that their baby would have Down syndrome. Like any family receiving this news, they were shocked and afraid.  They were not unfamiliar with Down syndrome completely. They had an adult niece with mosaic Down syndrome. But in their minds, having a child with complete Down syndrome would be just unbearable. Last week, they went to a counseling session, but for some reason the father was not allowed in the room. So, this mother, scared and confused, talked with the counselor without her husband about the future of their baby. After the meeting she was resolved to abort this baby. Yesterday, although her husband was against it, sadly she followed through with her resolution and ended her four month pregnancy.

Many people may feel outraged that this mother choose to abort her baby. Some may not even care. I am not here to judge, but I do want to address why people abort their babies when discovering they may have Down syndrome.

Mainly it is out of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear that raising the child will be too difficult. Fear that they will fail as parents. Fear that having a child with Down syndrome will “change their life”.

Unfortunately, this fear is fueled by the doctors and counselors delivering the news of this diagnosis. The majority of these professionals never know anything about Down syndrome outside of what their outdated text books tell them. They have never had the opportunity to get to know a person with Down syndrome. Yes, they deliver babies that have Down syndrome, but within a few days those babies go home to be with their families. They don’t see their first smile. They don’t hear their first laugh or first words. They don’t witness the absolute joy of the baby’s first steps. And they don’t watch this child grow up to be an adult who later finds a job and eventually falls in love.

Instead, they tell the parents that having a child with Down syndrome will be a burden to their family. They tell the parents of all the worst case scenarios. They paint a picture of a very ill child who will need constant medical care that would skyrocket the family’s financial limits. They tell the parents that their child will not read or write. They tell the parents that the child will require so much care that their other children would suffer. They tell the parents that the strain will be far too much to bare and their marriage may crumble under the burden of this child. Then, they “suggest” (strongly) that the parents abort the baby and try again later.

Doctors are supposed to be right. They are, after all, the “professionals”. And, in a lot of cases, doctors are right. But in this case, they are wrong. 

People with Down syndrome can have health problems. They can be born with heart defects. They can have Thyroid disease, digestion problems, and even Leukemia.

Of course, so can everyone else in the world who doesn’t have Down syndrome. When a child is born with a heart defect sometimes surgery isn’t even needed. If it is needed, most children bounce back pretty quickly after surgery. If they have Thyroid disease, a simple pill a day will keep that under control. Digestion problems? It depends on what the problem is. Most of these can be controlled with diet, some require surgery or medicine. Leukemia? The good news is, if your child has Leukemia and has Down syndrome, they have a much higher survival rate than those without Down syndrome. Will it cost you more to have a child with Down syndrome as opposed to having a child without Down syndrome? Read Here about those real statistics.

Children with Down syndrome usually do require extra help in school, but that doesn’t mean they can’t read or write.  It may take them a little longer to get it, but they will get it.

Will your other children suffer?  Actually, current research suggests that siblings of children with Down syndrome are more positively affected than negatively. You can read that research here.

Without a doubt, having a child with Down syndrome will change your life! But not in the ways that most people think.  Having a child-with Down syndrome, mosaic Down syndrome, or no syndrome at all, WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE! Because having a child makes you a completely different person than you were before. You are responsible for another human being. And that is a big responsibility. The child will look to you for guidance, shelter, nourishment, and love.

And, if you happen to have a child with Down syndrome, then you may learn things a little differently than you would if your child does not have Down syndrome. Please make note that I said, “you may learn things a little differently”. Having a child is a learning experience. It doesn’t matter if they have Down syndrome or not. You will screw up along the way. You will NOT be the perfect parent. Your child will not be the “perfect child” either. There are no guarantees in life.

If you find out that you are pregnant and that your child may have Down syndrome or mosaic Down syndrome and you feel as though you can not be a parent to this child. That is Ok too. Some people just don’t feel like they are cut out to be a parent of a child with Down syndrome. But before you go through with your abortion, please keep in mind that there is a two-year waiting period for families who want to adopt a child with Down syndrome.

Why is there such a long waiting period?

Because over 90% of babies with Down syndrome are aborted each year and over 90% of families want these children more than any other child in the world!

No one will blame you for putting your child up for adoption. In fact, they may admire you just a little bit more for the extreme courage it took for you to say, “I want the very best for my child.”