MOSAIC MOMENTS

A few years ago I had the opportunity to meet a fantastic woman who amazed me with her infectious energy, zeal for life, and outgoing personality. Heather Trammel is the person to go to if you live in the Northern Virginia area because her compassion and understanding for families of children with Down syndrome has become a big part of her life. She is the parent-to-parent coordinator for the Down Syndrome Association of Northern Virginia. We could not have done our 2007 Conference without Heather’s help!

As much as I have talked with Heather, and I have even met her beautiful daughter, I had never had the opportunity to hear Heather’s story. And, being a firm believer that “Everyone Has A Story!”, I asked Heather to share her’s with us. And, she definitely does have a story!

I know you will enjoy getting a glimpse into Heather’s life and how what a wonderful little girl Beth has become!

There are moments one remembers all ones life.  One of those moments for me is October 3, 2001…the day that my doctor called me at my DC law firm to tell me that the results of my amniocentesis had come back and that our unborn child did indeed have Down syndrome.  My doctor insisted that I leave work and come to his office immediately.  It was all I could do to keep my game face on as I hastily took leave of my colleagues.  All I could do to keep any semblance of outward calm as I took the train to the doctor’s office.  It was a crystal clear, beautiful day that day.  Fall is my favorite time of year and days like this had always lifted my spirits.  But it just didn’t seem right that the sun should be shining on one of the worst days of my life (and I had already had many).  As the train wound its way back to doctor’s office through DC and Northern VA , I could still smell the smoke from the 9-11 terrorist attacks on the Pentagon.  It didn’t help lighten my mood.

At the doctor’s office I was hoping he would have some information for me.  Any information.  But he gave me none.  I was left to search on my own for the remainder of my pregnancy for accurate up-to-date information and local resources. A few weeks later a maternal-fetal medicine specialist did offer me a Xerox of a medical journal entry on Down syndrome.  The text was all medical jargon and not family friendly until I got to one paragraph. It said, “…individuals with Down syndrome…have a good sense of rhythm and enjoy music”.  I smiled for the first time in weeks.  “Well, you can’t be a Trammell without being musical so she’ll fit in perfectly”.

Another turning point in our pregnancy was when I was introduced to a woman whose teenager had cerebral palsy.  It was by now, January.  It was another gorgeous day as I sat in her sunlit living room eating cookies and juice.  She was a special ed teacher and I had brought a list of prepared notes to ask her about special ed issues.  I was set on being a prepared mom!  As I sat down she invited me to tell her my story.  And I did…until the sun went down!  Never once did I get to my well prepared questions.  As I drove home that night I thought, “If disability land is filled with cool people like her, I think I’m going to like it here”.

And so I have.  Since then I’ve been enjoying my daughter and loving life.  Beth is indeed very musical and has a fantastic memory. She was the only one in her Sunday school recently to memorize a complicated Bible verse with several articulation-stretching words in it.  She’s in kid’s choir and learning her songs very well.  She now alternates feet without prompting as she is going up the stairs. Beth was in the ballet recital this past summer.  She is adored by classmates and staff alike in 1st grade at our neighborhood elementary school.  Together we have had several opportunities to teach her classmates a few ASL signs and for them to teach us Spanish!

I’ve enjoyed all the “ah ha” moments that raising a child with a disability has brought in my understanding of myself, about God and about the world.  There was a time when I felt that moving on in life was probably going to be impossible but I was wrong.  An author I admire recently said that the best way to move on in life is to get off of dwelling on circumstances and whose fault it is and move on by:

(1) Getting more life inside you (make connections, get support, find mentors, surround yourself with truth telling people who love you)

(2) Give up the need to control your emotions, feel deeply and embrace all that there is you are feeling

Not that I’ve arrived by any means, but those two nuggets of advice have served me well in getting on a good path as a mom and advocate for Beth.

It’s been a crystal clear, beautiful day on October 3 every year since 2001.  It’s a great reminder that, though I didn’t see it then, I really did have a lot to celebrate. Each passing year reminds me that it really is a wonderful life

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