Sep 06 2008
When your child is diagnosed with a disability: What they CAN do!
Yesterday, I talked about the 6 steps of grieving when you are told your child has been diagnosed with a disability and how the image that you see will make a difference on who your child grows up to be.
First, I want you to understand that there are things that are out of our control and you should never push your child past their limits because not only will your child’s self-esteem be ruined, so will yours.
However, if you hold your child back, how will you ever know what their true limits are?
As parents, we instinctively want to protect our children from disappointment and harm. It breaks my heart when any of my boys, no matter what their age, are hurt in any way. My motherly instincts come out in full force and I want to immediately make everything better.
However, as a parent I have to step back and allow for some disappointments in order for them to grow and learn.
The best way to learn something is through trial and error and without mistakes, nothing will ever be learned!
When Tim was young, I discouraged the phrase “I can’t”. Instead, I taught him to say “I’ll try”. Most of the time when he would say, “I can’t” it was only because the task wasn’t easy and he didn’t want to put effort into it. I didn’t just leave him alone to let him figure it all out on his own, but I didn’t do it for him either. Instead, I would suggest ways to make the task easier. Many times, my extremely stubborn little boy would insist on doing it his way and not even want to hear my suggestions. In those cases, I would step back and just let him try until he figured it out.
My youngest son, Garrett is stubborn that way too. (really all my sons are) He doesn’t want my suggestions and he wants to try it his own way first. I think most kids are like that. This is a sign of independence. It isn’t a bad thing at all! After all, the only reason why we, as parents, know an easier way for a problem, is because we have lived longer and probably tried and failed and tried again until we figured out the solution. It is important that our kids learn through this method of trial and error too.
Garrett is my big joker. So, after he tries several times and fails and then finally tries it my way and succeeds, I jokingly make him say, “Mom is all-powerful and all-knowing and I will listen to her next time!” –he never does though…
Each child is different and it doesn’t matter if they have extra chromosomes, autism, adhd, or are just an average kid with no diagnosis at all. They all have limits and they all have capabilities!
So….. YOU tell ME….. What can your child do?
2 Responses to “When your child is diagnosed with a disability: What they CAN do!”
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My son with Aspergers can do anything he sets his mind to - and the world better watch out. He’s a new Richard Branson/Donald Trump in the making! If one plan doesn’t work he’s quick to try out alternatives that he considers may work better.
My Beth (6 years old with DS) is like Tim…if it’s too hard she doesn’t want to try but we persist and after a while she gets it and she’s soooo proud of herself.