Sep 05 2008
When your child is diagnosed with a disability
When you are told that your child has a disability, there is a part of you who tries so hard to rationalize this thought. Your child’s whole life flashes through your eyes and all the things you expected you decide will not come to be. You picture in your mind, that one child in your elementary school who was different from the rest. And, you decide that your child will not be able to reach his or her full potential –the one you envisioned for him or her.
When Tim was diagnosed with mosaic Down syndrome he was 2 1/2 yrs old. At first, I was unable to see what a true blessing that this was. However, I quickly was able to understand that the delay in receiving this diagnosis enabled me to see Tim for Tim.
Not Tim with extra chromosomes.
Not Tim with a speech delay.
Not Tim with a Thyroid problem.
Not Tim with a doomed future.
I was able to see JUST TIM.
I saw his sweet smile, his contagious laugh, his curiosity of the world around him, his funny sense of humor, his unconditional love for me. Tim was a handful! Without a doubt he constantly kept me on my toes, but this was JUST TIM.
So, when I was told that my 2 1/2 yr old bundle of energy had these extra chromosomes and was given this grim prognosis of what Tim’s life was going to be like, I soaked it all in like a sponge and went home and cried.
I went through the whole grieving process and then when I didn’t understand all these emotions that I was feeling, I was fortunate enough to read something that told me that my emotions were REAL and more importantly, they were NORMAL! This validated for me that:
1. It was OK that I was feeling all of these things.
and
2. I would get over it eventually and move on.
There are six stages of the grieving process for parents whose child is diagnosed with a disability.
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Denial
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Anxiety
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Fear
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Guilt
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Depression
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Anger
And, it is important to go through this process of feelings so that you are able to move on and accept the diagnosis for what it is.
So, I went through the grieving process and then I put on a little lipstick and moved on!
I am a pretty strong person. I have gone through far too many things in my life not to be. And, I realize that not everyone is a “Type A” kind of person like I am.
I am a doer. If it is wrong I want to fix it.
Sometimes I can’t fix it, so I give it up to God and ask Him to fix it.
Either way…. it gets “fixed”!
I know that no matter what age your child is, you will still go through this grieving process, but I have to wonder… if the parent was given 2 years to know their child for who he was and not what he has, would the parent’s lives and the child’s life be different?
And, since that can not happen in most cases, what if the parent was told their child had Down syndrome or any other disability in a more positive light? Not told what their child could not do, but instead told what their child COULD do! Then, would the parent’s lives and the child’s life be different?
Tomorrow, please come back and I will tell you what your child CAN do!
